NICE LEAVES

Sometimes a pal proudly shows you their latest seedling and asks 'What do you think of this?'.
In a effort to be kind you try to find some good point to mention.
Perhaps the most disparaging comment ever is 'Nice leaves!'.
Luckily friendships are usually stronger than the average seedling.

Auricula leaves are of course often extremely attractive but unfortunately equally frequently they are taken for granted.
This true story is dedicated to the leaf.
One lunch time on returning to our Post Office I noticed two strangers peering over our boundary into the frame attached to the shop wall. Striking up a conversation to ascertain what they were up to, I quickly found out the they were builders mending next door's roof. 'How much are your plants guv?' enquired the roofers. I said that I did not sell my plants, but if they could provide the conditions to successfully grow them, I would give them a few offsets. 'But how much are those big plants on the lower shelf?' persisted the roofers. These plants were mixed self seedlings from the NAPS seed exchange and were reasonable yet not really of good enough quality to keep, but at the time I knew no better. Repeating my offer I said that 'If you have somewhere to keep them cool in the summer, dryish in the winter and out the rain in spring to protect the flowers, you are welcome to try some'.

'Oh do they flower?'queried the builders.

 
COMMENT FROM THE WEB-SITE

Your counter says there have been 177 visitors to the home page.
I'm the 170. Who are the other 7?

 
WHAT'S IN A NAME

Derek Parson's when showing his plants uses neat copperplate lettering to write the plant labels.
One of his plants, photographed for the site, was named Lemmy Getatum presumably a dialect version of Let me get at them.
When jotting down the variety names for documenting the pictures on the web-site (in a hurry, not able to move the exhibits to gain a better view of the label and being the world's worst speller) the name came out as Lemming Gateaux.

 
The vision of a swarm (what is the collective noun for gateaux?) of large cakes hurling themselves over a cliff face, just has to make you smile.

 
MORE FOOD FOR THOUGHT

In appreciation of the work and skill of the ladies who provide the excellent refreshments at our local group meetings,
I decided to include a picture of the bread pudding on the site.
So legendry is the bread pudding that once the following conversation was overheard.
'Pauline is not coming to-night, but its OK, she's sent the bread pudding.'

 
On seeing the picture on the net Val Woolley said to her husband. 'Jack. Viv has put a picture of bread pudding on her web-site.'
'Oh has she?' replied Jack. 'Is it a brown self and who was the breeder?'

 

OVER-POTTING?

Displays are a rich font of humour.
On this occassion a very keen old lady mistaking me for an expert asked lots of questions about cultivation.
Satisfied that she now had all the answers for producing exhibition quality plants, she departed content.

A while later she returned with a final query.
'Why are your plants so big and why are they in such small pots?'

 
STREPTORICKLERS

Three years ago Robin and Pat gave a talk on auriculas to a local group.
At the end of the meeting one lady came over to congratulate them and praised the wonderful slides of .... STREPTOCARPUS!!!!

 or are they

  DUTCH CAPERS ?

From - Ina ten Hove.        "I gave my first lection about Auriculas in April this year.
As I told everyone in the UK that Auriculas are not well-know here in Holland I've got now the solution.
An old lady in the group told everyone outside to come in and listen because I had such nice coloured CAPE VIOLAS!!!!!"

 
RECYCLING

Field House Alpines use shoddy (a waste product from the woollen textile industry) when packing mail order plants for dispatch.
One customer who had managed to card the shoddy and spin it into wool suitable for knitting,
enquired "How many auriculas do I have to purchase to make a woolly jumper?".

 
STIRRING IT

Always striving to produce even better prize winning plants,
a new method of cultivation was tried and those plants subject to this special treatment marked with small white plastic coffee stirrers.
When these plants were repotted you could not fail to notice the fantastic root structure these plants had developed.
If only I could remember what the change was that caused this potential improvement. What could I do?

The answer was obvious, just put a coffee stirrer in every pot.       Easy peasy!!

 
CONTRIBUTIONS NEEDED

If you would like to include a humourous short story on this page, please use the COMMENTS link below.